The Need for Light!

I've been feeling rather "blah" lately. Demotivated, unfocused and general "ehh" mindset. It's not my nature, but it happens from time to time. I couldn't really figure out the source of this lack of motivation and to be honest, I didn't even want to explore the possible reasons.

I've got LOTS of work to do and am typically excited and ready to tackle any and all projects. When these times have come in the past, the impending deadlines will be the motivator to get busy - but not this time.

I listened to a worship song last night that someone posted online. The title was interesting and it was a song that was not familiar. As the words of the song played, I felt like my heart was melting. As I continued to listen, I was faced with this wave of emotion that I wasn't even in touch with.

The Lord began to speak to my heart and said, "Steph, you're tired." As that truth resonated in my heart, I knew it was the reason I've felt so demotivated.

To say that the last couple of years have been tough is a real understatement. I'm not one who likes pity or victimization - but, the reality of what we've been through has been incredibly hard. the truth is - I am tired. I think it was the first time that I've given myself permission to say it and feel it.

I sat there and wept while I expressed in prayer the places in my heart that I needed a fresh word and a fresh touch from the Lord. As I audibly expressed the needs in my heart to the Lord - He was silent. There was no revelation given at the moment, just silence. I knew that God, my Father, was simply listening, while I poured the feelings in my heart before Him.

This morning, I read John, chapter one that says,
"In the beginning the Word already existed, The Word was with God, and the Word was God. He existed in the beginning with God. God created everything through him and nothing was created except through him. The Word gave life to everything that was created and his life brought light to everyone. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it"

In the span of my life, I've probably read this passage many, many times. However, this is what the Lord revealed to my heart through this passage this morning: "I have been there before you, I have been there with you and I am with you now. I am the one who gives life and I have created you to live a full life. The darkness (cancer, trials, tribulation, fear, sickness, disappointment, etc), can NEVER extinguish my light. I am bigger than any of these things and here to refresh the life within you."

I realized that though the past season, I've felt a little overwhelmed by the darkness of the trials. God was reminding me that no matter how dark, how difficult or how incredibly trying "life" may get sometimes, HE is greater, brighter and in control. Additionally, I needed a reminder of the life that is inside me that was created with full intention of being filled with light and not darkness.

God's word always meets me where I am I love that I can be honest and vulnerable with a Father who loves me completely and is there to speak the right word that He knows my heart needs to hear (even when I am not in touch with it!). I needed the reminder of light and life that God has for me. I also needed to say the things that were weighing my heart down to the one who could take the burden, replace it with His word and promise over my life.

I am thankful and He is so amazing -
Steph